If I promise will you let me?
Thu, Jul 17, 2008
“Mama? Can I come? Will you let me come on the trip with you? ” She was watching me pack and she sat, legs crossed daintily on the edge of the bed.
“Oh, sweetheart, I can’t. It’s for work,” I said softly as I looked for socks.
“But mama? I promise I’ll stay in my seat and I won’t cry. If I do that won’t you please take me?” Her eyes were wide and there was the hint of a smile, like she knew that this would do it.
“Honey, I really can’t. I don’t have a ticket for you,” as I said this the smile slipped away and she solemnly folded a blanket.
“Ok, but you are going to need this. I don’t want you to be lonely.”
Once again, I find myself gripped by the terror of how fleeting it all is. I know she’ll be fine, I know I should go, but as I zip up a suitcase and tell my sweet, firstborn that she can’t come, I cannot help but feel the excruciating pain of missing. Missing a single moment of Briar.
I love you, sweet Briar. Always my first baby. Always, I promise.
Oh Amanda that is exactly how I feel about Madeline. She now asks me for "alone time" and "mommy cuddle time." The first as a break from all family craziness and the second as just a moment of what she can remember of a much simpler family time. As we add a third girl in 8 weeks I can only imagine how her world will change again. But she will always be my first.
Doesn't it just break your heart? I went on one trip, back in April, and leaving my baby behind was harder than I ever imagined it would be. Your mind knows it is good for you, good for them but, yeah, the thought of missing something can be overwhelming.
Have a great trip — and hold on to that blanket!
Oh, sweet baby girl.
What a sweet little girl you have!
It's always nice to get a little break or getaway but the apprehension at leaving my girls and just how incomplete I feel without them always surprises me. I know it should not surprise me at all but it also reminds me that someday they will be the ones leaving and that is even harder to think about. However since I am being called to the bathroom to wipe someones bottom I guess I have a ways to go before I need to worry about that.
oooh i wouldn't want to leave that cute sweet girl either!!
That's exactly why I quit my previous job. They wanted me to start going to conferences and such and I'd have to be out of town at least one week every 3 months if not more.
I couldn't bear the thought of having to travel that much. But once, just once every year or so… not such a bad thing. That first hug when you get back home will be incredibly awesome!
making me cry….
She is picture perfect.
That is so tough, her tender pleading.
You will have a great reunion, won't you?
It's odd how sometimes that feeling just grips me when I least expect it and renders me nearly unable to breathe.
There are so many times throughout even day that I wish I could just stop the clock and live in that moment forever.
Next year, sister, we're bunking up.
OH MY HEART!
But the trip will be fun and you'll be happy to come home. Travel safely!
So many wisps of the girls, a climbing toddler, a sparkly window display, waking up the lump in my throat. Thank you so much for knowing this hurt and for assuring me it's ok and that, yes, that first hug will be spectacular. Looking forward to hugging Sean too!
WOW! She looks so beautiful and wise and grown up in that picture!
Did you take the blanket?
Dude.
You're on TV:
http://abclocal.go.com/kgo/story?section=news/local&id=6274105
I just found this blog via Her Bad Mother….what a touching post. Sounds like you ladies had fun at Blog Her!