Archive for

That kind of we(a)k

Posted on January 27, 2011

If you follow me on Twitter chances are you’ve already seen this picture, but I needed something to help illustrate what words nearly can’t. It’s  been a hell of a week and while I have a smile on my face, I needed armor. Truth be told I’ve needed a chain mail suit to buffer the rat-a-tat-tat of health hurdles, work challenges and logistical knots, in other words, it’s been a typical week for a mom of three, business owner two times over and a person intent on doing more than is reasonable/rational. <sigh> I’ve found myself feeling like a delicate tea kettle, circumstances each day bringing me to a rattle that feels like it might shatter me. Day after day the thing that makes…

+Read more

Categories: Me

In a minute

Posted on January 21, 2011

I’ve been aware of something lately, but I haven’t really wanted to acknowledge it—kind of like that moment when you are driving and you see a pedestrian and you realize you’ve committed to not stopping and you don’t want to make eye contact because all things being equal, you’re making an asshole move. Maybe not exactly like that, but still, a shift I’ve been uncomfortable acknowledging. It’s pretty simple. I want space. I really, really, really want to be able to pee and grab my glasses first thing in the morning. I want enough time to maybe even slip into a pair of socks so that I don’t freeze. I can’t. By the time I swing my feet out of bed two little people…

+Read more

Categories: Me

Up hill, in the snow, ready

Posted on January 21, 2011

I’ve been waiting to get healthy, waiting to have time, waiting to— Then today I encountered a spate of posts, articles and tweets about not waiting until you are skinny, prepared or whatever-enough to do something. I was standing outside ruminating on it all with Beso, our puppy who hasn’t received nearly enough ink, as he did his lengthy process of preparing to do his business. There was no metaphor intended, but I did chuckle as I went from cheerfully cajoling him to “potty outside” to chirping, “c’mon buddy, little bit of pee, little bit of poop. Just. Shit. Already.” He was undeterred. I realized what he needed and what I need(ed) was a kick. I turned gave a whistle and proceeded to high-knee…

+Read more

Categories: Me

Content of their Character

Posted on January 17, 2011

We were merrily passing through the day when it occurred to me that I should be doing something more than directing activities, interrupting melees, and wiping counters, butts and tears. I looked up a video of the I Have a Dream speech and proceeded to watch it with the girls on my laptop. Being that it was 16 minutes long, there were many questions, moments of refocusing and non-sequitors. I was as unflinching with my answers as they were with their questions. There were things that went over their heads, but when they heard him speak of his “four little children” they looked at me with hunger. “He had children?” “He was a dad?” “Why did they put a shot in a guy with…

+Read more

Categories: Mama Sap

And then I didn’t fail

Posted on January 12, 2011

I woke before dawn, the little girl inside of me daring not to look at the window for fear the snow they promised hadn’t come. It isn’t that I wanted snow, its arrival reminds me that my back is weak, my ability to carry out physical tasks without weighing their consequences is no more. Snow means an absent Sean, hours of grueling maintenance he must undertake while I manage the girls, the house and the puppy. Soemtimes the snow and garbage seem easier. Beso, our puppy, is as sweet as one could hope, a black and white cocker spaniel with more charisma and cuteness in each paw than most people have in their whole being. The girls adore him, but we are in a…

+Read more

Categories: Me

Tagged: