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Every Second

Posted on July 30, 2011

So much changes when you… Move out. Get married. Become a parent. Get divorced. Come out. No matter who you are or where you are, so much changes eventually applies. I’m working through some things as I go through the day, but suffice it to say that reading about cancer encircling the spine, lungs and legs put it all right back in perspective. Life isn’t easy and it’s not always pretty. We move along in these waves —sometimes beautiful, sluicing majestically through whatever is in our path, other times clashing wildly against everything. I have an exquisite tether to awareness of my blessings in Susan. She reminds me why each moment is precious—for the things we can do and the way we can change…

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Categories: Mama Sap

Live for this moment

Posted on July 26, 2011

We have to live for this moment. Bad hair. Pudgy tummy. Not-there-yet on whatever task or goal. It’s this moment, not some moment up ahead. You can aspire, reach and pursue whatever the heck you want, but as you do it you have to realize that this moment is incredible. And a gift. I’ve met Susan twice in person, but I have read her words, imagined her family and rallied around her more times than I can count. I could go on and on about her, but what I really want is for you to go over to her blog and leave a word. Hoping. Prayers. Strength. Light. Get well. Thinking of you. It needn’t be a masterpiece, what you need to know is…

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Categories: Love

My Sweet Chaos

Posted on July 22, 2011

The girls are home. I cried while they were gone. A lot. I walked past their bedrooms trying not to get caught up in the twisted sheets and discarded clothes all wrapped up in their summery scent of cut grass, lake water and cheesey-snack dust. Then the first morning without them came and the room pulled me in. I ran my fingers along the blocks they’d connected. “Mom, did you see how we made rooms and how the ones sticking out by the planet come together and make a chair? You make chairs with blocks, so we did it like you. Do you love it most of all?” I stood inside the block kingdom and let the sunlight that had drawn me in wash…

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Categories: Mama Sap

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Phantom Limbs

Posted on July 19, 2011

It began around 6. I was walking down the street and I began patting myself down, it was subtle at first. A tap to make sure my purse was at my side, a squeeze of the keys, then I touched my hip, my throat and then stopped to fully turn myself around and scan the street. I had my wallet, phone and keys. My fly was up and I wasn’t late. I kept walking into the glare of the hidden-by-clouds, but still bright setting sun. My reflection stared back at me from the old, filmy windows. There I was, same as usual, mostly, a halo of humidity-curled-flyaways and my face. Still I stared. I realized as I stood there oblivious to the sounds and…

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Categories: Mama Sap

Revelation

Posted on July 14, 2011

This morning I went through what has become the summer routine: First, conduct a dizzying search for swimsuits and rash guards for the big girls to take to camp. Second, devise things to pack for the littlest girl to make her feel like a big girl. Third, pack 2 lunches that will satisfy the distinct eating habits of the older girls. Fourth, make the littlest girl feel ok about not having a packed lunch. Fifth, apply deodorant* Sixth, make coffee and mutter under breath that coffee should always be the first order of business. *Why this one so often gets delayed and delayed until it’s the last thing I do making me late defies explanation. I could go on, but I think you get…

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Categories: Roar