Tue, Apr 3, 2012
We were on a road trip this weekend and I felt a cloak of dissatisfaction in myself coming over me. I am always susceptible to it when I am away from home. I resent not having all my things and my hair always seems to frizz and I forget a certain bra or I sit in something and I am one pair of jeans shy of what I need. Nothing earth shattering, but isn’t it always those little ticky-tack things that bring you to your knees?
I was beginning to feel short tempered and hopeless. My pants were covered in dog hair and travel funk, my hair was wild from 2 days of disregard and my face was unaided by cover up or mascara. My legs were dry and itchy, my stomach was upset and I had a head ache that just wouldn’t quit. A little tiny voice hissed at me that I needed to shake it off, “you are going to ruin your trip over nothing.”
I shook my head. Sean had hopped in the shower, the girls were napping and I was flopped on the bed with nothing I had to do. I looked out the sliding glass door and watched a cedar tree bend as gusts of winds came in off the ocean. Despite a cloudy sky, sunlight bounced off the waves and poured into the room. Somewhere nearby I could hear birds singing and kids were shouting and laughing as they rode bikes.
I grabbed my phone and went to snap a picture to preserve the light, to savor a positive. I watched quizzically as my reflection came onto the screen. The focus on the camera was set to shoot back at me. I took a deep breath and looked into my own eyes. As the air came out of my chest I softened. The face staring back at me was not what I expected. The anger and frustration I’d been feeling weren’t there, my crazy hair didn’t look the way I had imagined. My face didn’t look neglected, I didn’t seem dirty.
I pressed the button to take a photo, almost like rubbing my eyes to clear them, but there I still was. Then it finally hit me, we see what we believe, but sometimes (often times) that just isn’t true. Believe that you aren’t the mess your internal voice accuses you of being. Know that on your worst day, your best-day-you is still there. When a similar cloak begins to weigh you down, own the truth that you really can change how you see things.
See a you worth believing in every day.