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Stop Fearing Goldilocks

Posted on October 27, 2015

Ive been trying to allow myself to see some of my emotions like I do the girls’, which is to say, with a measure of compassion. The girls are tumbling through changes and launching themselves toward new things and people. They don’t always know why. They are trying o figure out how to explain what they are feeling or make sense of a new desire not to talk about every little thing. Patience is gold and I am trying to be a diligent miner. This post is something that I posted on Medium last week. As friends have shared it I have reread it and each time I rediscover forgiveness for myself and little smidges of resolve to trust my instinct. I’d love to know…

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We All Go Through Puberty

Posted on October 20, 2015

I am a believer in meant to be things. I don’t mean that I just let life happen to me, but when a person comes into my life when I need them, it’s meant to be. When I work really hard at something and despite my best efforts it doesn’t click, I trust that it wasn’t meant to be at that time. When my friend Galit Breen reached out to me a few weeks ago I felt the tickle of what might be meant to be. Galit invited me to try out Master Classes from VProudTV; a series of videos from experts to help us avoid “Dr. Google”. I winced; I’m not into webinars or online classes. I didn’t say no, one of the…

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A Song We Travel By Heart

Posted on October 18, 2015

Music is always playing in the car when Sean drives. If we go for a long trip he creates playlists, if we’re running errands it’s the radio, and if we’re going somewhere for work he plays NPR. Music is something he considers at home, on the road, and even at the office. I enjoy music, but it’s nothing that I ever plan. When I’m driving it takes less than a block for one of the girls to ask me to turn on the radio. It makes me smile because I know it’s a part of Sean manifested in their souls. Music is always with them, either from a speaker or from their own lips. For me the constant is light, seeking out shades that help bulbs cast warm…

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Your Worth Never Fades

Posted on October 1, 2015

I was scrolling through Twitter the other night when an update popped up: “It’s been a night, is what I’m saying.” Then I saw another from someone else: “Having a really really really really bad fucking day.” A week ago I saw an Instagram post that carried a similar tone: “…And I’m trying. But I can’t do it all.” I read a post from a dear friend that was titled Casseroles for Depression. Jenny Lawson has Furiously Happy on the New York Times Best Seller list. The reality is that for all the people complaining that Facebook is a waste land of carefully constructed, emotionally inaccurate representations of people and their lives, there are many ripples in social media and day to day life that…

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Limiting “All”

Posted on September 19, 2015

Six months ago, give or take, I discovered a new word. It was love at first sight. I loved the way I couldn’t say it without making a funny face or how reading its definition felt like permission granted. habseligkeiten, which I never want to capitalize because it feels as if it deserves to live forever as a lowercase word, a member of the eternal tribe of dreamers and collectors, discoverers and believers.   Montages danced before me of bits of bark, ends of ribbons, metal shavings, and dry eraser ink stained tissues. A lump threatened in my throat as guilt lanced me, all the things I’ve tossed into garbage bags. We can’t keep every single thing that we collect or sustain an impenetrable awareness…

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