I’ve never been good at asking for help. I’m still not. It’s no secret that I’ve been working my way through some things lately. I’ve been circling and searching for something, but the truth is that I just can’t do this one alone.
I want to find expressive, profound words for what has happened, not the [...]
I was standing with my back against a brick wall and talking to a colleague. The dressing room mirror shone in the afternoon light and I could see my reflection as she asked, “You ok? This whole thing is aging you. It really is, I mean you can see it,” and she motioned at my [...]
Lest anyone think that I am always positive, always overflowing with patience and calm, may I demonstrate that in addition to running a tender post I wrote about bedtime, the Huffington Post also shared a not so sentimental moment that I experienced:
So as we all slog through another Monday, maybe you started yours with an [...]
We have to distrust each other. It is our only defense against betrayal.
Tennessee Williams, Camino Real
I found this too late. I wonder, even now understanding the truth in the quote, if it is really something that I could ever live.
Perhaps, I’ll get used to the regret for having believed in people more than they [...]
Lately it feels like I have been overbooked, overtired, and completely overwhelmed. I’ve been deliberate about carving out time where there is no phone, no computer, no timelines, just a daughter and me. I don’t say this to make anyone feel a certain way about me—I am not looking to participate in arguments about how [...]
I remember practicing penny drops and dead man’s drops on the bars at Harris Elementary School in the early 80s. Before mastering either, you started with the help of a friend, they would hold your hands and do the dramatic swing chant, “One, two, three…” and the first couple you couldn’t do it, “No, wait.” [...]
This July I will turn 40. I’m not afraid of it, I’m kind of fascinated by who I’ve become. As the girls are getting bigger and as each birthday puts more distance between my 20-something self and who I am now, I consider what almost was.
What if I had stayed so completely insecure?
I’ve often daydreamed about [...]
A week and a half ago I told Briar we could go to get her hair trimmed. I had thought that we’d go on that first Saturday morning. An unexpected guest, a work commitment, and a sick sister kept cutting in and preventing the outing. Each night I’d watch her brush her teeth, grown-out, pin-straight [...]
Standing at the mirror I take inventory of the day and of my face. I play back the conversations I had at work, my train of thought on the solitary drive home, and I scan the shape of my face—it’s more angular than before. I am not sure when the dissatisfaction with the planes of [...]
I remember thinking that I couldn’t wait to flip the calendar from 2011 to 2012. Foolish woman.
As I look back on 2012 I realize that there will always be things I’d rather not relive, instincts that I will forever regret not following, but this isn’t college. I can’t replace my threadbare stuffed lion for a [...]