Posts from the “Me” Category

No Shortage of Cruelty, Add Kindness

Posted on March 12, 2015

We got a call a few weeks ago from the cable company offering to hook up cable. I explained that we had cut it because it was an unnecessary expense and an unwelcome time suck. The woman chuckled and tried to mention stations that might pique my interest. Having been without cable for a few years, I could honestly say that I wasn’t interested in any of them. Then she mentioned sports. The only time we have ever complained about the absence of cable has been a laundry lament, Sean saying that he wished we could have Sunday games on in the background as we folded laundry or cleaned the house. “How much? I asked her. After some keyboard clicking and a few minutes…

+Read more

Tantrums & Deep Breaths

Posted on March 8, 2015

I was getting dressed. It should have been a good day, I’d slept well the night before, I’d been working out, but there it was; a persistent, dull heat and the threat of a tantrum. I was trying to avoid my triggers—don’t grab the top that I haven’t yet donated despite the fact that it always makes me feel hideous. Don’t start my hair or make up before the girls are all set because they’ll interrupt. Don’t decide this is the time to look for the missing necklace. I kept moving through the morning paces, but my thoughts kept banking into a wall of negativity—what I wasn’t doing, what I wasn’t feeling, what I wasn’t getting, and what I was ceasing to believe could ever be. It’s the last one…

+Read more

Why is Self-Care so Hard?

Posted on February 10, 2015

Yesterday was the kind of day that triggers my need for time, or more sinister, ignites my sense that I don’t ever get any time. It was a snow day. The marriage of work and home becomes brittle on snow days, as the things I needed to do for work, the people who I had to talk to still blink at me from my calendar, while the girls’ faces glow from the sensation of getting away with something and the day suddenly having new possibilities; I resent both, which nearly suffocates me with guilt. If I can stay ahead of things I keep panic at bay, which is why after the pre-dawn alert from school I considered things to do. I plotted chores for the girls between snow…

+Read more

Use What You Learn

Posted on February 2, 2015

    I swear that having to process things on the fly so that I can respond to questions from the girls is one of the best lessons in cutting through it. I have always erred on the side of frankness with them, sometimes to the chagrin of people around me, “You told her to say vagina?”   “Umm, yeah, what would you have her call it?”   Lately we’ve been exploring issues around relationships, at school, our of school, in movies and books. Each of the girls has her own level of scrutiny as it relates to people. Finley being very clear about what is kind and what isn’t kind; Avery curious about why people do the things they do; and Briar, well…

+Read more

Choose Your Own Adventure

Posted on January 18, 2015

I remember when my imaginations about life as an adult pulsed with the promise of choices. I never believed that there would be doubt. I didn’t know about joy’s undertow of regret and guilt. I also didn’t realize that the difficulty of some decisions would bring unexpected rewards. My younger self doesn’t need to know things and this isn’t something that I need t condition the girls to know. The awakenings and compromises that come with being an adult aren’t to be feared or warned of, they are an exquisite privilege of living. I wrote about conflict and peace this morning. You can read it over here.   Like this:Like Loading…

+Read more

%d bloggers like this: