Posts from the “Me” Category

Used to

Posted on October 11, 2014

When I was hoping to get pregnant and then later when I was, I sought advice, poring over articles on what to eat, what not to eat. I expected the days, months and years following delivery to adhere to a schedule and approach as defined by so many articles and experts. They did not. When they laid Briar in my arms everything changed. I didn’t look for answers, didn’t refer to manuals. I was drunk with instinct, believing that I knew exactly what to do at each turn. Breastfeeding came easy to us, which may have been where the fearlessness came from, the heady experience of feeding, soothing, and forging a bond through my body to this perfect creature. This isn’t to say that…

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They Said…

Posted on October 7, 2014

I dropped the littler girls off at school this morning; the sight of Avery slinging her arm around Fin’s shoulders, and Fin leaning into her undid me. I watched them walk, their bright raincoats like carousel horses, bobbing up and down. Red, aqua, gone and then back again. I held my hand out the window in case they turned. So much of what I do is in case…a note in the lunchbox in case something happens to me. A whispered I love you in a sleeping ear, a fervent wish to make it echo for years to come in case I’m not there. I’m not sure why everything feels so potent today, tears nipping at the corners of my eyes a persistent lump in my…

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Quiet Your Doubt

Posted on October 6, 2014

“I wish I could shower without my thoughts,” I said to Sean absentmindedly as I towel dried my hair. I’d been doing battle with people who haven’t listened, replaying conversations that are already inked and smudged beyond repair. He looked at me and took a deep breath, I felt my shoulders go up in defensive anticipation and then back down. “Me too,” he said and smiled gently. “Hard to turn it all off sometimes.” It felt pretty good to not be judged, but my mind immediately set itself back to judging—flitting from why I chirp “yup” during conference calls to the clothes hanging  in the closet, to the roller coaster of 40something skin (Is it a break out? Is it flaking dry skin? Is…

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Another Day in Paradise

Posted on September 26, 2014

It started like most days, the thrum of the alarm from my iPhone coming at me from the left, Sean asleep on my right. I swung my legs out of bed as Briar’s alarm called a “be-dee-be-dee-be-dee-dee-dee” answer to my “dee-do-dee” siren. I padded down the hallway and watched as her hand patted the night stand until her index finger swiped the screen and quieted the alarm. I slipped into bed next to her, “You awake?” I asked. She hooked her arm around my neck and whispered “I love you, mom.” We stayed that way for a few minutes before I told her that I had to shower and she needed to get dressed. The next ninety minutes were a blur of lunch making,…

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Stitch Fix (the bitching & the fixing)

Posted on September 12, 2014

There are a lot of complaints that get thrown around these days, online and in person. I am no stranger to having people question why they should have to pay for something that my company does, “But it’s just an idea, it’s not like it’s a product or something that cost you money to make.” Umm, wrong. The only reason you have the idea is because we came up with it. You didn’t walk through the doors of a public library, you came into a place of business—a place where employees come to work and earn the money that will buy their groceries and pay their rent. I get a little annoyed when people gripe about Stitch Fix and its associated costs. The model is…

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