The Wink

Thrice Loved

I love you all and am changed by you. Am better for having known you. But, oh, Fin, how you have amplified, enriched and heightened every thing we do and feel. You follow a different beat, you do. Row row row your boat, dropping down the street, mammary, mammary, mammary, mammary life is butts and dreams.

Decisions

Last night I watched Finley fall asleep. I traced her hairline and kissed the palm of her hand as her eyelids flutter. Closed. Open. Closed. Closed, then open for one last peek, and asleep. I inhaled the peace, the gentle rise and fall of her chest and the feather soft touch of her breath passing her lips. This morning I [...]

Cannot be left unsaid

Life with kids—it is, and then it is even more. Avery on tickle tag: “I am sorry I called you cock.” Briar on babies: “I am afraid my vagina won’t be big enough.” Finley on baking: “Roll it and pat it and smack it with a bumblebee.” And, scene.

Think we’ll be happy?

We were standing in the backyard, as we readied to spend our first night in our new house. The reality of the road to our new start sobered us. We finally faced something we’d never dared to admit. I’d been pregnant with Ave when we first decided to sell, it sold a few months shy [...]

Dusty, Dusty

Moving is hard. Period. I’ve been missing this place while we’ve been feathering our new nest. Been wishin’ and hopin’* I could write. And now, it looks like I’m getting close. Here’s to having what you want in your arms, no matter how tired they got getting there. *Yes, that link really is a link to [...]

Play it again

As I revel in the memories of last weekend, I am smiling at the prospect of the chance to make more. Here’s to welcoming this weekend, and the days that follow, with the undiluted belief that magic and joy can and will happen!

Laden

I want to be here writing, but my heart is heavy. There is no one particular thing, rather I think it is the accumulation of many little things. I’ve been unplugging and trying to reclaim my footing. Rather than recharging I find the tokens of technology evermore loathsome. Blinking red lights, spinning wheels, junk mail [...]

Love Letters

I found the slip of recycled paper, with its pale pink and blue lines, lines that are intended to help keep the letters in alignment. We’d practiced at the dining room table, where she taught me that “dirt letters” are the ones that dip below the lines and that to get the spacing right “ya [...]

In another’s eyes

Each morning and each night I face myself in the mirror and interpret what I see in different ways. I am not ashamed to say that I vastly prefer the moments when my reflection lifts me, sends my shoulders back and this crooked smile of mine higher. I love being able to smile back at [...]

Our Time

“Mom, how do we know when our time here is done?” My head snapped around and I looked at Briar, she looked back at me. Completely guileless, she waited for my answer. Heart in my throat I said, “Honey, I want you to worry less about when our time is up and more about what we [...]