Posts from the “Random” Category

Use Your Pulpit

Posted on September 21, 2016

Turns out that heartbreak and horror taste like bile. I am not talking about the election. I’m specifically talking about race in this country. Black people. Black lives. Black lives mattering or not mattering and the people who fill rooms with the reasons another black person is dead. So many reasons that don’t include the person who shot, choked, or abandoned them. “If only they had…” “Why didn’t she…” “He had a record…” “She was rude…” This Instagram post, which I saw through Amy Vernon, hit me. I know not everyone is black, friends with a black person, aware that black people aren’t inherently thugs or angry, everyone is not me, but everyone living int his country is a part of what is going…

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You Know Best, But Do You?

Posted on August 26, 2016

A couple of years ago I noticed a bump on my hip. The shallow secret is that when I first saw it, I thought it was that I had lost weight and it was a bone that could be seen. The hollow-eyed, calorie-counting, laxative-popping, over-exercising girl that I was for a few years in college got excited. The addiction to weight-loss and control whispered in my ear, “You’re doing it, keep going.” I pushed that thought aside because I knew it wasn’t safe. I can’t diet like some people, when I begin to eliminate certain foods or to count calories I am right back on the high wire which takes perspective away putting me at risk. I was in a health center getting checked…

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Not Today Means Never*

Posted on July 31, 2016

I was pushing the cart absentmindedly, as I meandered through the store. My head wasn’t in it, hasn’t been in a lot lately. I think in the way trouble comes in threes, sometimes distractions come in clusters. A flurry of things that dizzy me into a rut of, “This sucks” and I let them. It wasn’t until I heard the boy shouting, “Mom, mom!” that I snapped into now. The mom turned, looking every bit as not-there as I felt. “What?” she asked in a weary and annoyed voice. He brandished a red and blue decorated package and held it overheard as he chirped, “Crepes!” His whole face was lit up and I wondered for a minute if the girls might like crepes. “For what?”…

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Too Fast to Track, Too Late to Hope?

Posted on July 8, 2016

Time is moving with little regard for my hopes or desires. The predictable chapters of dating, marriage, first house, first baby, jobs, deaths, second baby, then third baby blur, pages racing faster than I can read or write. I didn’t imagine time would slow, but maybe I thought I could catch up to it. I was going to sign my daughter up for dance, then it was too late. “Most girls are already beyond intermediate, she’ll never catch up.” I was going to create a plan for spring outings, but the season passed. I was going to make dates with my daughters, my husband; I was going to go back to pilates. I didn’t. I haven’t. Not sure that I will. I’ve gone from saying, “I promise”…

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Young Guns

Posted on June 22, 2016

As we walked through the furniture store Finley lagged behind. I slowed my gait and listened for her, wanting to allow her the feeling of being able to go at her own pace, while also staying close enough that I didn’t lose her.   Sean and I were discussing chair colors when I saw her leaning against the wall, her lower lip was trembling. I walked over to her.   “What’s up, babe?”   She shook her head and bit her lip. I knelt down, “You ok?”   She shook her head. “What is it?”   “I was standing in the store and there was a bunny or a squirrel with a gun in its hand pointed at me,” she started to cry. We…

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