Posts from the “Random” Category

Young Guns

Posted on June 22, 2016

As we walked through the furniture store Finley lagged behind. I slowed my gait and listened for her, wanting to allow her the feeling of being able to go at her own pace, while also staying close enough that I didn’t lose her.   Sean and I were discussing chair colors when I saw her leaning against the wall, her lower lip was trembling. I walked over to her.   “What’s up, babe?”   She shook her head and bit her lip. I knelt down, “You ok?”   She shook her head. “What is it?”   “I was standing in the store and there was a bunny or a squirrel with a gun in its hand pointed at me,” she started to cry. We…

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On These Days

Posted on June 7, 2016

I read yesterday that a remedy for hurt and worry is gratitude, which isn’t to say that a prayer of thanks and a walk in the woods can fix anything, but it can take the edge off for a time. Yesterday’s post and the continued onslaught of rage and incredulity are wearing me down. I’m allowing myself to focus on these days, the moments of being utterly captivated by Finley’s infatuation with the wind through the window. Being reminded of the way the air carries scents and stories and just by closing our eyes we can be transported to another place and time. The moments in a marriage when in the face of overwhelming responsibility and the seeming futility and cursedness of a project, we melt. I can…

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Tides of Motherhood

Posted on May 6, 2016

“We need to get to bed early. All of us!” Sean said in a weary voice. I nodded, my heart racing, that familiar sensation of feeling relieved and slightly attacked at once. I was genuinely excited because the reentry from spring break has not been easy. Emotions have been running high, allergies are raging, school and extracurricular pursuits are bleeding heavily into free time, and the dog is peeing everywhere. I felt like I had somehow failed. I tend to interpret, “We need to ______” as being, “You haven’t ________, so we need to_______.” I tried to override my defensiveness and said, “I’ll get dinner done early, ignore the folding, and make sure the girls are mellow and read a bedtime story.” He immediately said, “I’ll help”…

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Your Horn Won’t Toot Itself

Posted on April 8, 2016

There are things I have learned to temper, my anger, for instance. That big old bag of indignation doesn’t have to be front and center at all times. I save it, because every little thing doesn’t deserve my whole heart and voice, but the things that deserve it will get it. I also pace myself on projects. Ok, that’s kind of not true, but I think about slowing down and making sure I don’t overdo it before actually overdoing it. Mostly this is the right decision for me.   That whole first paragraph up there? That is me avoiding what I came here to do, which is to crow about something that delights me. It more than delights me, it floors me and lifts…

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How is it February?

Posted on February 9, 2016

My last big act of 2015 was the culmination of wanting control over one part of my life. I ached to create a clearly defined and sustained period of time spent focused on the girls. I didn’t want it to be commercial or rooted in eating, no shopping, no Starbucks, no movie watching or even reading. I wanted something you can’t choreograph or even plan for, but I tried. I’ll say right now that I should let that be enough, to have tried and to have done so with love, I think that’s it. My method was to make the advent calendar a mechanism for bringing us together. All those days stacked up together, each with some element that would connect us, no matter…

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