Posts from the “Roar” Category

Testing Body Image

Posted on July 21, 2014

We were sprawled out in the backyard. Sean was spraying the big girls down with a hose and Finley was devouring a sandwich in a lawn chair. The cat and dog were at our sides, both seemingly delighted that we were spending the day in a way that they could be with us. As the grass began to get soppy Sean passed the hose to Briar and Avery and gave them a three minute warning. “Three minutes and the hose is done!” “Okaaaaaaaay!” the girls screeched. Briar was in a purple and black suit, Ave a black rashguard with paint splatter accents and matching bottoms. They darted this way and that, their bodies shiny. Briar’s legs are long and slender, the stretch from knee…

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The Saying Goes…

Posted on July 14, 2014

Years ago in my carpentry days I worked with a guy named Clay. He was from North Carolina and had the kind of drawl that authors take paragraphs to bring to life until it becomes the cadence of your very thoughts. As we would work feverishly in the scene shop at Delftree building sets for the Williamstown Theatre Festival, we’d take smoke breaks and bitch breaks. One late night walking toward the loading dock Clay said, “This whole thing makes about as much goddamn sense as going through your asshole to get to your belly button.” That saying has stayed with me because I’ve built a life on doing things the hard way. Whether it’s insisting on doing something myself, adjusting my plan to…

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A Good Fit

Posted on July 12, 2014

There are some milestones that I have breathlessly watched for—first steps, “mom”, reading, riding a bike. I rejoice as the girls achieve them and some times find myself a bit crestfallen at how much they make me ache. Over the past few months I’ve realized that we’ve reached a new one and it terrifies me. All three girls are sitting on an axis that is tilting them toward a new realm that involves unabashed worship of kids older than they are. I can see it in the trance-like effect of movies, the absolute silence that comes over them when we pass a group of teenagers, the way their necks crane when we pass the neighbor’s house that is always peppered with boys playing basketball…

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You…

Posted on June 26, 2014

There are so many things that can follow that one little word. You are so special. You did it. It can turn your day around.   Or it can not. You suck. You little bitch. You acted like a baby. Rebecca has done it again and made me think about how much I there really is in you. The impact of our words is great, but before them our thoughts carry even more power. I think about things in an argument, about what I’ll say next. There are things that I pull, because as Galit so beautifully said, there are soft places that we must keep sacred. I do it in my work as well, whether I am making a pitch or responding to a question about a…

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Not Yours

Posted on May 29, 2014

Yesterday I got tripped up in organizing something upstairs and when I checked the time we’d missed the bus. Sean wasn’t home and Briar had caught her bus an hour earlier. “Girls, let’s go. I am driving you to school,” I called downstairs. “Ok, which garage door do we open?” Ave called up to me. “The rectangle button.” “Got it, we’ll be in the car.” I smiled, finished what I was doing and headed downstairs. I grabbed the lunch I’d packed, my computer bag, and a gatorade. When I got outside I realized the sky looked a bit threatening, but there wasn’t time to go back for my coat. I shrugged, even though my shirt was sleeveless, I wasn’t cold. “Ok, you guys want…

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