Posts tagged “daughters

Mom, are you there?

Posted on February 27, 2015

The text made my phone vibrate on the metal table downstairs. I let it go as I curled my hair. Lately I’ve felt too bound by the siren of notifications from my phone. I’ll get it later, I thought as it rattled again. The phone rang, Beso barked, and Finley stood in the doorway with a worried look, “Mom, I can’t find my hat.” Sean was standing next to me shaving. “Did you put it in the cabinet?” I asked. “Yesterday when we came home you were trying to remember if you had your gator.” “No, I didn’t put it in the cabinet, I already checked,” she said mournfully. “Let’s see, did you put it on the chair? You had your coat on the chair…

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Working & Mom—We All Do It

Posted on January 30, 2015

I don’t want to fight about who works harder—dads don’t have it easier, stay at home moms don’t have it easier, people without kids don’t have it easier. Honestly, we’re all just doing the best we can between screw ups, unexpected wins, and deep heartache. None of that matters though, not in the big picture, or even the little picture. Every damn day I am just trying to not do or say things that will leave me with a hideous pit of, “Why did I do that?” Briar found my blog two weeks ago. Somehow in the time between buying her a phone and her discovering Safari, it never once occurred to me that she would find my blog. I was sitting at my…

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Reclaiming Control Meant Letting Go

Posted on December 29, 2014

Yesterday Sean and I began a top to bottom decluttering that lasted 4 hours and involved me bursting into body-wracking tears once, maybe twice. The girls were uncharacteristically compliant, alternating between quietly organizing corners of their rooms and working with heads touching to craft new LEGO structures. The kittens gleefully scampered through closets and under beds as we tossed things into donate, discuss, and delay piles.   It happens every December, I find myself pretzeled in frustration over our collective clutter, and I don’t just mean the things, I mean the ways. The breakneck, just-get-through-today approach we adopt out of necessity. Mornings of packing lunches, followed by afternoons of racing to Karate or sewing, and evenings of “You want to watch a show or do Seandry?” We frequently…

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Minecraft: Self-Reliance & Empathy

Posted on December 22, 2014

They were in the middle seat of the car; Finley was asleep in the row behind them. It was dark through the windows and snow was mixing with rain. Ave was playing Minecraft on her iPod, while Briar did the same on her phone. “Briar, can you make me a pyramid?” Avery asked quietly holding her iPod toward Briar. It was the tail end of a long day. We were all still exhausted from the monster loop we did trick-or-treating in  the neighborhood. We’d gotten up first thing and driven to Vermont to see friends in a production of Joseph. The girls had been champs, getting along in the backseat and playing very little of the “Are we there yet” game. “Not right now,…

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Before Bedtime Requests End; I Hope I Hear Them

Posted on December 16, 2014

Somehow I thought that in the years of chronicling the ups and downs of parenting, maybe a lesson or two would stick. Perhaps a bit of writing it down would offer up a moment of grace to keep me from utterly screwing things up because I’m in a bad mood. Mostly that doesn’t work,  the truth ends up being that as I tally board at the end of the night it comes in at a draw, the screw ups and wins in a dead heat. The other night I was looking through my iPhoto library and was sobered by the absence of photos of Briar. What happened? There’s Ave, there’s Fin, there’s another selfie. Do I not see her? Are pictures of her not as easily sharable…

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