Posts tagged “forgiveness

Resolve to Mean it

Posted on December 30, 2013

Each year I welcome the holidays with childlike wonder, soaking up the hope and patience that come to visit. Less than a month later I stow the decorations and vacuum the pine needles in a frenzy to reclaim order. Usually the cleaning blitz extends beyond the decorations as I scour the fridge and go through closets. I know I’m not alone as I watch headlines crop up with tips for a cleaner, healthier, cheaper New Year. Lose weight.              Let go of baggage.                Meditate. Everyone dives in and I think: Maybe I can make a pledge to reform some part of myself. Then the next wave of articles hit with people consumed by…

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Separation Anxiety

Posted on August 9, 2013

The girls have been struggling with a kind of separation anxiety lately. There have been more than 5 announcements of separations/divorce from couples they know over the last year. When it first began it was easy enough to gently explain that sometimes, like with being sisters, you need to get a little space or take a break. They would nod softly, ask if Sean and I were ok, and then move on to the next thing. I was hanging out with Finley one day and she said, “Mom, do I have a step-mom?” I shook my head, looked down at her, and said, “What, babe?” She stopped walking, turned to me, and repeated, “Do I have a stepmom?” I knelt down and said, “No,…

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Between Splinters and Sparkles

Posted on December 27, 2012

I remember thinking that I couldn’t wait to flip the calendar from 2011 to 2012. Foolish woman. As I look back on 2012 I realize that there will always be things I’d rather not relive, instincts that I will forever regret not following, but this isn’t college. I can’t replace my threadbare stuffed lion for a broken heart. The chip on my shoulder won’t teach anyone a lesson. The three sets of blue eyes that I catch watching me as I stare mournfully in to space are potent reminders that savoring heartache isn’t a pastime that I can enjoy without explanation. Yet, even as I try to shield the girls from certain details, I am evermore aware that I have to do less protecting and…

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How I am

Posted on October 18, 2012

We’re all bundles of complexity, right? You love scary movies but you won’t go on roller coasters. You are a vegetarian but you wear leather. You buy local, but you shop at Wal Mart. You consider yourself a person of faith, but you don’t attend church. You are pro-choice, but would never have an abortion. Yeah, sh*t just got real, right? Here’s the thing, there has been a whole lot of finger pointing and belief slamming on both sides of the political fence. I think that some of my debate-tirades on twitter have probably falling squarely into the “not-very-open-minded” category. I get that we all get fired up. We can and we should cultivate opinion, because we have the freedom to do so. Other…

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Meaning It

Posted on September 23, 2012

When I was in high school I had three very close friends. We would link arms in the hallway, while away hours outside of school playing Marco Polo and wondering wistfully about boys we had crushes on—it was a very sweet, simple time. Before things became marred by attacks, irrational boyfriends and the inevitable growing apart that happens in those emotion fraught years, there was very little that disturbed our union. Looking back, I see four girls who found comfort in one another, confiding about struggles with siblings or parents, building each other up with the ability to see one another’s strengths. I also see a younger version of myself who was quick to feel slighted and had a tendency toward not believing she…

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