Posts tagged “health

Tiny Boosts—Finding Joy Anywhere

Posted on October 13, 2016

I read somewhere the other day that sadness is a part of the privilege of joy, it literally allows space for joy to breathe. That makes a lot of sense to me, maybe in part because I was raised to believe that sometimes you just need a really good cry. I remember letting myself go and falling into a pillow and unlocking the tears and worries of my younger self. I would cry until the pillow case was so wet I needed to flip it. Sometimes I’d throw in loud cleansing sobs.  As an adult I don’t do it quite as much, but I am trying to allow myself to get back to the practice of living unclenched. The years we spend unafraid of our…

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Results Are In: Benign Myxoma

Posted on August 31, 2016

My friend Heather came to visit Monday. She used to live in Albany and we’d get together periodically to catch up—sometimes to rant about things, other times to say things like, “My store is closing” or “Like, I don’t have a f*cking job.” I cannot stress enough how valuable it is to have people you don’t have to shine for, you can be scared and angry, they don’t care. In the case of Heather, she left Albany to go to Philadelphia to work for the DNC, so the stories were excellent.   Heather came because I was scared and she has without fail, reached out to me in times when I’ve been low and texted, “You want me to come up?” When she arrived…

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You Know Best, But Do You?

Posted on August 26, 2016

A couple of years ago I noticed a bump on my hip. The shallow secret is that when I first saw it, I thought it was that I had lost weight and it was a bone that could be seen. The hollow-eyed, calorie-counting, laxative-popping, over-exercising girl that I was for a few years in college got excited. The addiction to weight-loss and control whispered in my ear, “You’re doing it, keep going.” I pushed that thought aside because I knew it wasn’t safe. I can’t diet like some people, when I begin to eliminate certain foods or to count calories I am right back on the high wire which takes perspective away putting me at risk. I was in a health center getting checked…

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Love Postponed—Feeling My Own Love

Posted on April 2, 2016

My hands were resting in my lap as I waited in the X-ray room. It was 8:30 in the morning and I’d already been through two orthodontist appointments with the girls. I was trying squeeze in a chest X-ray my doctor had ordered weeks before. The technician came in, she wore raspberry scrubs and had a warm smile. “Good morning, hun. I’m going to have you undress to your waist, everything up top comes off, then you put on the robe, ok?” I nodded. The door closed behind her and I looked around. The austere and dated room was jarring— no pastoral scenes taped to the ceiling over where you might lie down like in a gynecologist’s office, no signs to read or magazines to flip through to pass the time.…

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The Doing in I Do

Posted on December 14, 2012

This June Sean and I will celebrate 10 years of marriage. Seems impossible to believe, because I can still feel that June sun beating down on us as we stood before the minister. The crescendo of nursing, diapering, strollering and co-sleeping has quieted. They reach for their own cups, they read books to one another and have begun to slowly show signs of wanting us to take a step back. Somehow in parenting you develop the ability to recognize when a moment has come—to let go of the bike as they learn to pedal, to gracefully pass a glass and allow them to wobble and teeter their way to the table. We shift our grasp and at times actually let go. I don’t know that I…

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