The Wink

BlogHer, it ain’t about the shoes

Last night I had a talk with my family, it was like Intervention-light. Not that I have ever watched that show, but my addiction to doing, carrying, handling, managing and scads more words ending with “ing” is deep rooted. I have a primal need to do and an unrelenting hunger to please, fix and impress. [...]

Break My Stride

I thought parenting was humbling, the flashes of thinking I’d be able to do it all, the fantasies of avoiding the ruts, the memories of choices my parents made that I questioned. Six years on the doing side of parenting and I realize how often we have to react as opposed to decide, that even [...]

Sinew of Time

I never imagined that some of the photos I snapped absentmindedly would become the things that would reopen every facet of a moment, from the smell of the butcher block and the sheen of the sippy cup rings, to the way that the breeze had rattled the loose front screen door. I can hear the [...]

Medicine

Despite my desire to feel better, I am exhausted. Short of breath, unexpectedly dizzy and generally tentative as I still feel a little unsure of my body. Today was my first day back in the office and it took everything out of me and then some. I might have been here at home feeling ever [...]

Now

It’s been five days. The first day I rested. The second day I reeled. The third day I dipped my toe into a new normal. The fourth day I crumbled. Today I am in a struggle between what I want, what I know and what my body says through unexpected dizzy spells, shortness of breath [...]

Delicate

I write so often about the fleetingness of time, of the preciousness of every little thing. This morning I realize that so much of it was just words. You just can’t really know until death whispers at your door. For me it wasn’t until… They shielded my babies. The clots filled my hands. The blood flowed over my lap. I [...]

Cannot be left unsaid

Life with kids—it is, and then it is even more. Avery on tickle tag: “I am sorry I called you cock.” Briar on babies: “I am afraid my vagina won’t be big enough.” Finley on baking: “Roll it and pat it and smack it with a bumblebee.” And, scene.

Misfit

I remember as a little girl (it started in fifth grade), I just wanted to fit in. I wanted to have the right clothes, ride the cool bike, say the right things, of course I never did. I was different. I didn’t love dolphins, didn’t like dresses and when it came time to play outside, I [...]