Posts tagged “Briar

A New Dance

Posted on April 23, 2014

  We were sitting in my living room while the girls sprinted around the house.  My mom leaned over to me and whispered, “We took care of the Easter Bunny.” My stomach dropped, I’d completely forgotten. The next sensation was embarrassment, had they handled Easter because they saw that I wasn’t? I searched her face. The “we” tickled at me, confusing me. She hadn’t been out alone with Papa to do a shop. The look on her face was foreign, a little bit of guilt, maybe excitement, and something else, a kind of sympathetic pain, maybe. “Briar,” she said it so softly. The familiar sound rocked me. Briar. I mouthed the word back to her. Briar. She nodded. “We were driving along and she said,…

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Idolize

Posted on January 9, 2014

There were papers strewn about the table, the aftermath of our after school “Mom, look at this” dance. By now Avery is skiing with Sean and Finley is suited up in pjs watching a show; her homework long since done. “Ok, B, what’ve we got left,” I ask her. “Well, I have two math sheets and spelling. Oh, and a little reading.” My shoulders slump a little. Math. I struggle to keep my own insecurity and frustration at bay, on top of simply trying to understand the mechanics of it all. Somehow, though not without tears, we finish the two sheets. Then it’s on to spelling. Briar sits hunched over the table, her legs impossibly braided together in a flat tangle. Her glasses slide…

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Unspoken Goals

Posted on January 5, 2014

Years ago I told Sean that I wanted to go to a conference. He told me to buy a ticket and book a flight. “I can’t,” I said forlornly. “Why?” he asked. “Because it’s happening right now in Chicago.” He looked wounded. “Why didn’t you tell me before now?” I shrugged. “I don’t know, I guess I didn’t realize how much I wanted to be there.” I’ve never not shared with Sean what I wanted or aspired to since that moment. Tonight I have my first post up at Scary Mommy. It’s something I’ve had my heart set on for a while, but had never done anything about until a few days ago. Sean’s support and Allison’s guidance helped make it happen. Speak your…

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Broken Plug

Posted on May 14, 2013

The concept of unplugging is a thing of beauty. Set aside the phone, close the laptop, hide the remote, and give yourself completely to the three dimensional. The pressure to unplug and the judgement of not doing so has become an oppressive blanket. The divide between those of us who use the online realm for work and those who don’t is a rapidly growing chasm. Essays on “That mom at the playground” abound. Luckily, of all the things I take to heart and struggle to overcome, this kind of judgement isn’t one of them. I want to unplug. I set my phone to silent and tuck it beneath the lamp in my bedroom. The tv isn’t an issue, it holds no real draw. Laptop,…

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Plan for Detours

Posted on April 24, 2013

The other day I was driving toward our house to meet the bus. I was coming around a bend that always gives me pause, something about it makes me brace for a child darting into the road. One night, I was coming home very late, just as I came up the hill to the bend, a massive deer loped into the road. There were no horns, but it was massive, so I always refer to it as a male in my mind. The speed limit on this road is 45, but I always go a bit slower. I took my foot off the gas as he stopped in his tracks and looked at me. A huge moon shone down on us and time seemed…

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